Caffeine. Nicotine. Makeup. Life.

It's 7 am. 4 alarms are ringing through my cell phone in 15 minute intervals. I feel ten little glittery toenails digging in my skin. I'm wrapped up like a hot tamale and I know that outside of this delicious tamale is the cold air and reality. I fight with the snooze button until it's absolutely pertinent that I un-tamale myself and greet the morning with my dazzling lackluster morning personality. I carefully unwrap myself from this warm, cotton tamale and remove the precious feet that are digging into my organs. There I am, in all my glory. My hair is reminiscent of Don King at boxing matches, my pajama pants are twisted and inverted and look like a crazed maze of fabric. I'm definitely sporting a leopard print moo-moo that peaks out of my vintage and fabric sparse Ole Miss hoodie. My house shoes are on and it's time to get this day started. I catch glimpses of my fine appearance in the glass of picture frames as I shuffle my feet across my hardwood hallway. I know I look a mess. I stagger for the caffeine and nicotine. It's time to recharge. After 7 minutes of getting my life together and realizing that I must adult again today, I head to the one thing that can fix my pitiful and persnickety attitude. My make up. Let the painting and shading begin. 

Now. I've heard the Colbie Caillat anthems and they piss me off. You don't have to try so hard. - Colbie. Have you seen me in the morning? Better yet, have you tried to talk to me before caffeine, nicotine, and make up? You know what. You are right. You don't have to try so hard... To get hurt early in the morning. Just come to my house in the morning before I've got my life together and my adulting face on. You will get hurt immediately. I am going to have to try hard not to act out. 

The first thing I do to my face in the morning is moisturize and put my eyebrows on. I don't know about you, but just filling in my eyebrows and making them crisp like a fresh, cold, morning Diet Mountain Dew makes my attitude 10 times better. I'm now tolerable, cranky, but tolerable. After brows I mosey on to eye shadow, base, and powder, and at this point, I've transformed into a kinda likable person. As soon as my contour, highlighter, and blush is on - I hit the next level of likable, I am now able to be considered nice. Then I wing my eyeliner so hard and smooth and yell BAM like Emeril Lagasse and just like that, I'm normal. I am now the person I'm meant to me - witty, sarcastic, approachable and even likable. 

Make up does wonders and usually those wonders are for the make up wearer and not to please society or even who you are attracted too. 

I've seen all this internet crap of guys saying make up gives us trust issues. We are going to take you swimming on the first date so we can see what you really look like. 

Brother. 

If you really believe that my eyes have a natural black wing around them - you probably are not capable of having a relationship because you are dumb. 

If you think I spent all this time and money on my make up, then you should also realize I have a waterproof setting spray along with waterproof eyeliner and mascara - you are still real dumb. These colors and eyelashes don't run. Shewwww. 

If you are gonna take us swimming to prove what we look like under our make up, you need to take us to the bank and let us see you if you are able to pay your own bills and then let us look through your phone to see if you are capable of trust.  

I choose to paint my face everyday like there are paparazzi outside my house. But. I choose it for me. I feel more confident and depending on how sharp my winged eyeliner is and how bold my lipstick is, I may even feel like being nicer. 

One day I'm gonna write a little melodic song and sing it like Colbie Caillat. It's going to say things like, make them lips bold, wing that eyeliner so sharp it could cut a fool that tries to take me swimming after painting this face.